Friday, November 13, 2009

Boredom a Withdrawal Symptom?

After several days of sweating it out, it appears that I'll survive Nikky-gate more or less intact. A variety of factors combined to sideline my part in the scenario (not least of which is that Nikky never asked my name). The largest factor was probably that Nikky herself told her husband that if he pushed the issue than she'd divorce him and he agreed as long as we don't contact each other again.

So as long as everybody holds their breath it seems I will be left alone. Which is a relief since job hunting in this economy would be a nightmare and as fun as the affair was, it wasn't worth the financial/career suicide that could have resulted.

No more 'dating' women who are married to co-workers. I've learned the lesson well, hopefully the universe doesn't feel like beating me over the head with it later.

Of course, I hadn't realized until tonight what a large role Nikky played in keeping me entertained. For how infrequently we saw each other we were constantly texting. Pics, stories, ideas... mostly just the day-to-day BS, but it was a nice diversion. Cat is taking pretty much this whole weekend, and with Jenn busy, I'm sitting here alone in my house writing on my blog on a Friday night. Makes me feel pretty fucking pathetic.

A week ago I was going to post about how I was getting bored with never seeing Jenn and that Nikky was getting predictable, that possibly these avenues of entertainment/deviancy might be played out. Then other things came up and I posted about those instead. Now I realize that as bored as I thought I was with the situations, this is five times more boring... Not only am I not getting laid this weekend, I don't even have my text buddy to keep me occupied.

After all the craziness of this week I'm tempted to swear off sex for a while. I love sex, I love the interaction between two people (or possibly more than two), I love the battle of wills, but it fucking COMPLICATES EVERYTHING!

So I'm going to spend this weekend meditating on the evils of sex. And trying not to get aroused while meditating about the evils of sex. And pretending like celibacy is a possible option for me. (Celibacy is a lot like virginity, it's not that bad to maintain but once you lose it it's fucking gone for the foreseeable future)

I'll leave you with a quotation that I'll be thinking about a lot from Nagarjuna's "Precious Garland":
There is pleasure when a sore is scratched,
But to be without sores is more pleasurable still.
Just so, there are pleasures in worldly desires,
But to be without desires is more pleasurable still.

I'm not sure if I agree with it (except it being more pleasurable to not have sores), without desires what is there to be pleasurable? However, since pleasure is pretty much off the table for a while I might as well pretend to be on sabbatical. Maybe my soul will thank me (I know my penis won't).

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