Sunday, December 6, 2009

No-Sex Insomnia

You ever have one of those weekends where nothing seems to work out right and you end up bored and alone in the middle of the night? One of those nights where you end up writing a personal ad on craigslist simply because you're that bored? The ad is poignant, funny, and cynical about ever finding 'true love' or at least a friend with benefits that doesn't suck? You might include a few quotations from your favorite book or love poem (probably Herrick), maybe some Shakespeare. It might even reference the current economic woes and the rising statistics of strangers meeting up for sympathy sex... which is odd and yet true.

Ok, I didn't write a personal ad (yet) but I'm definitely bored and wide awake in the middle of the night. If I'm not sleepy by the time I finish noodling around here than I might just swing over to craigslist and post something ridiculous to see what responses I get.

In case you haven't guessed, this weekend was a total bust. Nikky's husband switched shifts around to spend more time with his family, or more likely to keep an eye on his wayward wife. Then, I was saving my Saturday for Jenn and ended up waiting and waiting for a text/call that never came. My fuck-buddy stood me up, how sad is that?

So I'm on my laptop, sitting in my living room in my boxers, posting to my blog. I'd be really pissed off or depressed if my couch wasn't incredibly comfortable or if Cat hadn't left a half-full bottle of vodka in the freezer. It's definitely time to start shopping around for another girlfriend.

Ironically, I actually picked up Jenn in the platonic section of craigslist a few months ago. She was new to the area and looking for a pen pal, I was bored and figured it couldn't hurt. Plus, she was hot. What started out completely platonic got progressively less friendly and more and more lusty as the emails and pictures flew. Within a few weeks we were meeting up regularly for very non-platonic adventures.

At three am there aren't many places I can go to meet new girls so maybe popping over to craigslist isn't a bad idea. As I can attest, you never know what you might discover. Even if I don't find a new fuck-buddy I'll get some laughs and at the very least I could probably find a nice cheap ottoman to go with my couch. Though hopefully I'll be spending less weekend nights on it in the future.


  1. I had a dream about you (your profile pic), blogging and doing girl-on-girl oral sex. Weird, huh?

    I've had so many weekend nights like that. More than I care to admit --- chat any one? Damn! No vodka in the freezer though. :-(

  2. Lol, isn't that a great profile pic? I just used photoshop to turn a pic of me black and white, then added the horns.

    I'm very interested in this dream you speak of, specifically the girl-on-girl action. Did I get to watch at least or was that a totally different part of the dream (if so, what was I doing?). I'm curious now.

  3. Well I was only reading your blog and you said something about this other person's blog and how much prettier she is - she is too, but I'm still jealous. You said I was attractive but not your type. [God damn low self esteem!!! Are we never free in our dreams?]

    It was just us girls I'm afraid. My first time. I think I was looking in a catalog and it just came to life as things do in dreams. Very detailed, I could taste and feel everything.

    Never been with a girl but I assume my oral skills are transferable. I don't know if I'll ever test that theory, but who knows? Maybe one day.