Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Steam Room

A couple months ago I had a mid-day date with Jenn at a park a couple miles outside of the city. We hung out, got lunch, and sat around for a while. The flirting was getting a little ridiculous, two eager adults in skimpy summer-wear. I love the way a woman's ass looks in a pair of tight shorts. We made out for a little while, our hands running all over the each other.

Fortunately, I just 'happened' to have a tent in the trunk of my car. We found a secluded grove of trees and set it up. In moments we were naked inside and rolling around together.

Ok, Arizona gets freakin hot in the summer. That day it was probably 100 degrees in the shade. My tent was a little backpacker version and didn't have a lot of ventilation, within a few moments it was like a steam room in there. Not that that slowed us down at all.

We spent a couple hours together, covered in sweat. We joked about the extra lubrication... There weren't many things we didn't try, it was the first time that we actually had time to spoil each other sexually. I was on top, she was on top, hands and tongues...

Despite the heat we both had a great time, thought afterwards we were a little more light-headed than usual. We toweled off, packed up, bought a couple large bottles of gatorade to rehydrate, and kissed each other goodbye.

She was on birth control so we didn't use condoms, we didn't see a need and sex is just so much more fun without them. I would later regret it.

Life went on.

A couple days later I was in the shower and noticed some... 'sensitivity' in my groin area. I looked down and saw that there were lots of tiny little blisters around the head of my penis.

I panicked.

I bounced around the bathroom freaking out. In Cat's make-up kit I found a mirror, the blisters didn't look any less menacing from other angles. I'd picked up an STD from Jenn, I just knew it. Or is it called and STI now? I can't ever keep up with these trendy acronyms.

The next day it was worse, the blisters were all popping and skin was peeling off all over the place. I told myself if it still looked bad the next day I would go to the clinic and at least identify what horror I was going to have to endure.

Visions from health class danced in my head... was it going to turn black and fall off? Or turn purple and itchy? Or turn purple and fall off? Was I going to have to take a bunch of shots or would this be a life-long curse? Was it going to eventually kill me or drive me insane? I thought I was going to puke...

That night Cat wanted to get laid. Not wanting to 'share' I got all nervous and made an excuse about being sore. I told her that I'd gone for a long run that morning and had chaffed my nether regions.

The next day it looked a slightly better. Then I had a thought... it'd been really, really hot in that tent, maybe it was from some kind of chaffing. The location of the blisters were consistent with where there had been the most friction (though it was hard to tell with all the extra 'lube'). We had been very... vigorous. I sent off an email to Jenn asking if she'd had any soreness. She hadn't, so I still wasn't too sure what it was.

By the next morning it was almost completely healed. I was still making excuses to Cat, I wanted to be sure. One trip to the clinic was enough to ease my mind, it was definitely heat/friction related blistering. No STDs or STIs or DPFs (Diseases Passed by Fucking). For the first time in a week I could breath easier...

I could make a speech about the dangers of dehydration in a desert climate, or how sweat can actually cause more friction rather than less during penetration and intercourse. Or, channeling the pope, I could probably make some sort of "Always Wear a Condom" speech right now, but we already know all the facts and that usually doesn't change our risky behavior. So there isn't a moral to the story, it's just really, really funny in hindsight.


  1. Omg! I'm so sorry, but this is hysterical! Hence one more reason and I usually HATE sweat. Ugh! I can't believe either of you had much fun in a poorly ventilated tent in super hot weather. You must have REALLY been hard up. ;-)

  2. Frances- I thought everyone would enjoy that little gem of a story. At the time I was pretty freaked out but looking back it's definitely laughable.

    I've always had an issue scheduling with Jenn, so we could only meet up once a week or so. Sweaty tent or not, we weren't going to miss the opportunity ;)