Sunday, May 15, 2011

Broken Streak

If I could remember the date I would give you an exact length but a year ago getting laid was not that big of a deal. Suffice it to say, it had been a little longer than a year. When the time came to break the streak I was actually kind of nervous.

So I got a call from Jenn shortly after I got back, because of some scheduling problems it took a couple weeks to get together.

By the time I got the call I was feeling pretty comfortable with myself. I've had an interest in Buddhism for a while and had done a lot of reading over this interim. What I like about many Eastern religions is that it's all about questions that you have to answer for yourself. I spent a lot of time coming up with those answers and I'm a much more satisfied person for it. It was time to start expanding the tiny circle I'd been living in.

On the drive over to Jenn's house I had some butterflies. Not only was I worried about performance (for obvious reasons), I was worried about the psychological affect it would have on me. Picture a heroine addict, clean for a year, about to shoot up. Is all that I gained in the past year going to fly out the window after this? Will it awaken a sex-crazed man in me that I can't put away? I mean, how much time and energy do we men dedicate to the pursuit of women? I didn't want to go back to that life-style. I know it sounds silly but those worries were all running through my head.

Almost as soon as I got there I realized all my concerns were groundless. Yeah, I was attracted to her but if she wanted to back out it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. We started to mess around, no big deal.

Then we broke my streak. Afterwards I was almost disappointed at how little it impacted me. No bells, no confetti, it really wasn't that big a deal. Not that it wasn't fun, because it definitely was (performance was definitely NOT an issue, just like riding a bike I guess). Then I was relieved because the experience showed me that it is possible to have a relationship, sexual or not, and still keep the confidence and comfort that I've built with myself.

Sex is an important part of living and relationships, but it doesn't have to be such a focus point. I said before, the money and time and energy that is put into attracting others is insane. It doesn't have to be like that. But that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to more of it.

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