Sunday, August 21, 2011

Dating Disasters

This is why the whole dating thing is so fucked up these days. Especially in Arizona.

Since getting the divorce from Cat finalized I decided I was going to be a bit less of a player and start actually looking for something a little more domestic. I am absolutely, 100%, NEVER getting married again but a long-term girlfriend would be kind of nice. There were aspects of being married that I enjoyed, having someone else to depend on, being in a partnership of sorts... it was just all the other crap that sucked.

So I've been reaching out a bit to try and meet some new women... and I've been universally disgusted by the way things are going. It's not hard to just find some chick to fuck, it's hard to find one that can hold a conversation and be a civilized human being.

A buddy of mine suggested I check out a friend of his that worked across town, he exchanged our email addresses and introduced us electronically. Phoenix is a big city, so it was more of a complication than it would have been otherwise. She seemed nice enough and the pics she sent were promising. The problem was that our schedules just didn't match up. I'd set up a date and time and she'd get stuck at work. She'd set up a date and I'd get called back in to work... All in all it took two months to actually get to meet in person, we met last night at a local pasta restaurant/bar.

First off, she was over an hour late. She sent me a text to let me know she was running "late" and didn't deem to mention exactly how late she was going to be. So I ordered some drinks and some appetizers figuring she'd be fifteen or twenty minutes late. An hour later...

At least she looked good when she walked in. She wore and incredibly low-cut lacy top and short cut-off jean shorts. Definitely dressed for a good night out... or a good night in depending on how lucky I was.

Withing moments of her sitting down, within seconds of her opening her mouth, I realized exactly how mentally challenged she was. Take an average IQ and cut it in half. Seriously. Try and hold a decent conversation with a four year old, that's about the quality of our back-and-forth.

I kept hoping she'd drink more so that she would relax a little bit. She seemed very tightly wound and probably could have won a medal for 'least words spoken by a women over a dinner' or 'most one-word answers in a conversation'.

Despite her lacking vocabulary it was apparent that we were very different people. If I liked something than she hated it. If I hated something than she loved it. She spent a good half hour describing the life cycle of the dozens of cats that she'd owned over her lifetime. She constantly forgot details of my life that we had just talked about and she made very frequent trips to the bathroom. Looking back I'm beginning to wonder if she was going off to use some sort of illicit substance, or maybe taking another litium.

At one point she asked what kind of jobs my parents have... and followed up by asking if they were caucasian. Except the word 'caucasian' has too many syllables so she asked if they were 'white'. She was wondering because I seemed 'squinty'.

About an hour after she got to the restaurant she said she was going to be getting up early the next morning and needed to leave. I was OK with that, I'd been checking my watch pretty regularly. With the abruptness of our parting I would be amazed if we jump the many scheduling hurdles to make it back out together again. On one hand that is a disappointment because she is an attractive woman, on the other hand she doesn't have much else to offer.

So, the total cost of the date: $80
Total time with date: 60 minutes
I'm pretty sure that's about the running cost of a cheap hooker with much less return for the investment. The equation also doesn't take into account an entire evening wasted and driving all the way across the city... then back again. Very disappointing.

What is it with dating at Thirty? Are all the good women taken by this point? Or is it just that all American women are becoming stuck-up and useless? You can find intelligent women with good senses of humor and good personalities... but they're unattractive. Or you can find attractive women who show up late for dates, leave early, and do their thinking with their boobs. Where's the middle ground? The closest I've found are divorcees with kids, and I don't really need the baggage they've got (only slightly hypocritical statement).

Is it hopeless? Am I going to have to simply stick to my womanizing ways or are there any decent women left?

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