Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Writer in Me

Does anyone else despise the new Blogger format?  I used to be able to make it do what I wanted... Now, not so much.

I know it's not New Years but I'm in a bit of a reflective mood tonight.  It's been a bit of a crazy year for me but I think I am through the worst of it.

If you've read anything of this year you'll know about my fired-but-not-for-the-next-nine-months situation, which in hindsight is one of the cruelest forms of punishment I can imagine.  The worst part was that they didn't even have the decency to use my contract to force me to stay, they simply offered me oodles of money if I agreed to stay on until September and then let me stew in my own juices.  Of course I went for the money.

It has not been easy.  Had I known how mentally challenging it would be I probably wouldn't have agreed to it.  To walk around a work place, feeling like the red headed step child, the blackest of the black sheep, the next up on death row, all rolled into one... for NINE MONTHS, was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  It's like a Wiley E. Coyote moment, you've run off the cliff, realize you're going to fall, and are just waiting for gravity to kick in...  for NINE MONTHS.  

I went through dozens of stages over the time; anger, confusion, depression, alcoholism, anger, frustration, heavy drinking, indifference, sexual frustration, anger...  Ok, so most of them boiled down to either anger or alcohol.  The worst part of it was that I couldn't blame them for putting me into purgatory, I chose that for myself... for the money.

For most of the time I was in such mental turmoil, had looming continental shifts in my life, that it seemed stupid to even try for a social life.  Which is kind of too bad, had I lucked into a good woman (or at least a good distraction), I might have pulled my head out of my ass sooner.  On the other hand, a bad relationship (or bad distraction) could have made a bad situation much, much worse.

Now, a month and a half out from D-day I am finally basking in the light at the end of the tunnel.  I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin after nine months of self imposed hell.  I have all my ducks in a line, I have everything planned and laid out, I have to just coast through the next six weeks collecting paychecks.  And at the end of those weeks I shall receive a very nice severance package.  The rest of my life only six weeks away.

I mentioned last post about the cycles of dating and then hating women, and while I am quite firmly in the hating women camp currently I can kind of feel a light at the end of that tunnel too.  I have a feeling that once I crawl out from under my rock, get myself set up, something pleasant might fall into my lap.  Or maybe several pleasant somethings.  It doesn't have to be several at the same time, it could be one or the other at a time, though both would be something interesting, is that a dog? ... I digress.

To those of you who have continued to read throughout the rough times, I appreciate you and hope that even in my blackest posts you could still find something to smile about.  Even if it was only to think, "Damn, I'm glad I'm not that guy."

The next chapter begins soon...

1 comment:

  1. I haven't blogged for months so was surprised and annoyed with the new format. But I'll probably close my accounts soon so it don't matter much.