Thursday, April 10, 2014

OkCupid Proposition

It's not often that a woman reaches out to me on an online dating site.  Typically, the guy has to make the first move, show some interest, and hope that she writes you back.

Not so much this time.  A couple days ago I received this message:

"Hey sexy, you go to church on Sundays?"

Now, obviously this was some kind of bad joke.  Well, too bad, I'm going to mock her anyway.

Talented Artist Representation of crazy OkCupid Chick

First off, "sexy" and "church" should not be used in the same sentence.  They're mutually exclusive.  There is nothing about church that's remotely sexy and sex would be ruined if a participant brought up church.  "Oh god, oh god..." is okay during sex, but if a chick I was fucking said anything about church I would risk death-by-blue-balls, jump up, laugh demonically and get the fuck out of there.

I mean, am I being propositioned or indoctrinated into the next kool-aid drinking, sex cult?

Secondly, who the fuck sends that kind of message to a perfect stranger?  It basically has to be a joke because no one in their right mind would expect any kind of favorable response to a message like that.  And if it isn't a joke, what kind of response are they expecting?  "Oh yeah, baby.  I always go commando to the 9 am service!  I cut a glory hole into the last confessional on the left, we should meet there after the last hail Mary."

Lastly, if she knew anything at all about me (or read my profile) then she would know that I am absolutely NOT religious.  I mock religion, frequently.  I might have lied about everything else on the profile, height, weight, income, and my penis size but my religious preference was honest at least.

So, you ask, what did I do when I got the message?  I sent her a cock shot.  I haven't heard anything back yet but I'm hoping she's impressed enough that I'll at least get a BJ out of it.

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