Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Art of Seduction

Ok, guys, what's the most important part of an online seduction?  The cock shot, obviously.

Seduction is an art, it involves good conversational skills, a decent vocabulary, and maybe some good Star Wars trivia.  You have to be equal parts fun, funny, witty, and charming.  It takes time and effort.  What?  You don't want to spend any time or effort being fun, funny, witty, and/or charming?  No problem.  Just send your prospective love a photo of your cock.

The problem is you can't just send any cock shot.  It needs to be evocative, strong, emotionally moving, intellectually riveting, sexy, and yet tasteful.  How do you accomplish all this?  I'll show you.

Now, I really wanted to put up a large variety of cock shots with various differences, angle, focus, lighting, circumcised, non-circumcised, and  maybe some colorful frames (there's apps for that) to do some side by side comparisons, but it turns out that I really don't like looking at cocks.  I mean, there's nothing inherently wrong with them but when faced with the prospect of hours of cock-shot searching to lay out my comparisons I had to fight down a sudden surge to vomit.  And vomiting on my laptop would put an abrupt end to my burgeoning online blogging stardom.  How women find cocks remotely appealing I'll never know.  But they do and that's why we send pictures of them.

So, instead I pulled up a google image search for "long, hard vegetables".

When that didn't turn up anything suitable I searched for "vegetable looks like cock".  That worked a lot better.

*WARNING*   To any Ladies reading this, if you continue you'll never be able to look at cock shots or vegetables the same way again.  You've been warned. **

This is the standard cock shot.  Yup, it's a cock.  Nothing else really in the frame, nothing fancy, just a penis.  Honestly, this is pretty boring and it's too well lit.  It leaves nothing to the imagination, there's no art to it, it's just there.  You'll get an "eh, maybe" from any potential dates.

This should be obvious, but I'll say it anyway, a proper cock shot should be your masculine roar, proclaiming your territory and all the virgins therein as yours...  A flaccid cock is not a roar, it's a whimper.  Put on some porn or something and try it again.  The only thing worse than a bad cock shot is a bad flaccid cock shot.

Let's call this the Too Much Information (TMI) shot.  Spread legs on a woman are hot, not so much on a guy.  Plus, it's way, way too bright (showing off all those un-sexy folds and creases).  Now, if it was in a darkened room with some artistic lighting, maybe a blanket over part of the side and a leg... those would be steps in the right direction.

This is my "garden of eden" shot.  It's cutesy, little bit of shadowing, kind of an au naturale shot.  Now, this could go either way.  If your intended recipient goes for the cutesy, leafy shots than you're golden, but if she's serious, tattooed, or intense then this shot might get you laughed at.  Choose with care.

The "Action" shot.  There's pros and cons to the action shot.  If this is your first seductive gesture to a potential date it might not be received well.  You see, the hand covers a portion of the cock, sometimes making it seem much smaller than it is in reality.  Or, what if you have really big hands?  You gotta be careful, if it's just the tip peeking out of a fist then you're going to look tiny.  And that's the last thing you want your prospective internet dating love to think.  On the other hand, if you and your beloved are already exchanging racy photos than the "action" aspect of it will be appreciated more.

I can hear all the guys asking:  Well, what do we do if we have tiny cocks?  You don't put it in a cute frame, you'll just get laughed at twice.  You might get an email back, "Lol, now where's your real cock shot?"  And that wouldn't be good.  So, what's a better option?

If you've got a tiny cock, the best thing you can do is put your tiny cock next to cocks that are even smaller.  Yes, find a couple guys with tiny, tiny, tiny cocks, put yours next to theirs and take the picture.  You're going to look like a freaking horse.  Then, you just have to deal with your date's disappointment in person.  But at least you got the date.

And finally...

If you already have a massive horse-cock you don't really need to worry about the advice above.  Lighting, texture, framing, whatever.  Just take a photo, put it online, and let that beast do all the work for you.  You lucky, lucky, son of a bitch.

Hopefully, all you guys have learned a thing or two about the Art of Seduction.  A good cock shot can take you places.  So, really take in the information above, analyze it, think about it, let it roll around the recesses of your brain, then whip our your dick and get a camera.  Ladies, feel free to thank me now.

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