Friday, June 6, 2014

Sleeping with Death

I recently discovered an odd and slightly disturbing side of myself.

There is a BBC show called Luther about a hard-boiled detective that solves murders.  In the very first episode he interviews a character called Alice Morgan and realizes that she's an amazingly intelligent sociopath that murdered her parents.  Because of her intelligence Luther can't find any evidence and she gets away with it.  After the interview Alice becomes fascinated by Luther, stalks him, and they develop something of a friendship.  She's overt in her sexual interest in him but nothing ever really comes of it.

To be clearer, a sociopath is someone who essentially has no sense of empathy, no sense of morals, and absolutely no problem with taking a life.  Think of a shark, if it's hungry it doesn't hesitate to eat fish or other sharks.  She put up with Luther not because she actually "liked" him but because he interested her, like a spider playing with a fly.  There's no question how that situation would end, only how long it would go on before it ends.  Needless to say, Luther was hesitant to jump into a deeper entanglement with her.

Now, before I lose you completely, something about that situation was strangely attractive to me.  That surprised me a bit, so I hesitated and sorted through what I thought of it.  In one scene, Alice is standing very close to Luther and inviting him to kiss her.  Alice is an attractive woman but there was something about her smile that never reached her eyes.  Her eyes are cold, so why was she so freaking hot?  Why was this so appealing to me?

As I thought it out, I realized that the risk she posed is what made it appealing.  Talk about the ultimate thrill ride, sleeping with a woman would be as likely to kill you as make you coffee in the morning.  She could fuck your brains out or cut your throat at any second.

There's a definite link in many societies between violence and sex.  Look at half the romance novels on the shelves and it's barbarian-warrior-swoons-over-barmaid, bad-boy-biker-and-the-college-student or something similar.  And risk taking behavior is widely considered an aphrodisiac.

However, in most dangerous-romantic situations it's the man that represents danger and risk.  In Luther it was the woman who was a dangerous one, a hairsbreadth from killing at any moment, and for some reason I found that really hot.  I mean, imagine turning your back on your lover and not knowing if a knife would slide between your ribs.  Or falling asleep next to them and not knowing if you'll wake up.  For some reason I found that idea incredibly attractive.  Insane, yes, I know, but attractive all the same.

On one hand, it seems crazy, but on the other hand I'm a little curious whether that attraction I felt is similar to what women feel around men.  I mean, typically a guy is larger, stronger, and more prone to violence than a woman, so in any relationship I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't some nervousness on the woman's part.  Especially considering that many women go for bad guys, big guys, mean guys, physical guys, in other words guys that are physically riskier to women (think about how many women write guys in prison).  Are they getting that same kind of kick out of the risk that I described above?  That being in the presence of someone who could physically harm you can be arousing?

The whole topic is interesting to me.

So, if you know a female sociopath-murderer you should have her contact me.

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