Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Visiting Ann: Big Red

VISITING ANN: BIG RED

So, I have a ton of posts in the works for the past ten days with Ann, dozens of other ideas, but tonight is my first night on my own since the trip… I’m a little morose, so I decided to have some fun instead.  I might also be drinking.  Well, definitely drinking.
I have to admit that my eyes were only for Ann when I first arrived in her city, at her home, entered her space.  By the time we reached her bedroom (which was approximately .5 seconds after we got to her house) I wasn’t really looking at anything except for Ann and struggling to get her undressed as quickly as possible.  More on that later, I’m sure.
An hour or two later, while letting the sweat cool, I took my first real look around Ann’s bedroom.
Coming soon to theaters:
BIG RED!
Dun Dun… Dun Dun…
big red 1
Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun…big red 2DANANAAAAAAA!!!
big red 3
The first thing I noticed looking around her room was Big Red.  (As far I know, nobody but me calls it Big Red, but it’s big and it’s red so the nick name kind of slaps a person in the face.)  She had mentioned it in previous posts, but until you see it in person you can’t appreciate it’s massive… presence.  I had forgotten about it until I was faced with it’s overwhelming intensity in person.  This is the sex toy that is so epic that this is the third post dedicated to it (Ann: Butt plug door stopMy Mom discovered my door stop).
Holy fucking shit is that a huge butt plug.  It’s as big as my head.  It’s so large that I would be morbidly curious to meet the woman (or man) that can actually use it for it’s intended purpose.  That would be one super human indeed.
I tried to move it to close the door and did a double take, it’s so heavy.   Does it have a lead core?  Big Red is so heavy it has it’s own gravitational field that pulls smaller butt plugs into orbit around it.  It’s the center of it’s own solar system.
Seriously, it has to weight at least five pounds. You could take it to the gym instead of a medicine ball. That would be worth it just to see the looks on the other patron’s faces. What the hell is she training for?  Yeah, think about that for a minute.
That Big Red exists should scare you more than any horror movie yet produced.  Jaws has nothing on Big Red.
As far as a door stop goes, it certainly does the job.
As for a sex toy, well, that introduces a very interesting topic that will undoubtedly be taken up in a later post.  ;)

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