Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Visiting Ann: Mindfulness

**I recently returned from spending ten fantastic days with Ann St Vincent.  These posts about the visit aren’t going to be in any specific order, there is too much to write on too many topics.  So, don’t look at these like one long story, they are more like post cards or snap shots from a fantastic trip.**
Those of you who recognize the term are probably wondering why a Buddhist phrase might apply to a very non-Buddhist, sex-filled vacation with Ann.  Keep reading and you’ll find out.
For those of you who don’t recognize the term, “mindfulness” is a phrase common in eastern religions and Buddhist texts.  According to Google:
Mindfulness: “A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.”
Those of you readers who’ve been around for a while know I have a fascination with Buddhism.  The teachings and some books by the Dalai Lama got me through some rough patches.  I’d been blaming circumstances and others, those books showed me how my own actions contributed to the problems in my life.  They made me a much happier, healthier more self-actualized adult.  (A fun side note, the practice of meditation can be used by guys during sex to last longer.  Yup, the mind controls the body.  The tighter your control over your mind, the tighter your control over your body.)
visiting ann 4 s
(Is it a 69 or a Ying-Yang?)
But how does mindfulness apply to the vacation with Ann (other than the sex part mentioned above)?
There were several times during that trip where we were looking into each other’s eyes and she asked me what I was thinking about.
“Nothing,” I would tell her.  It was true, I was entirely focused on her.
After the first couple times this happened I explained the concept of “mindfulness”, that I wanted to be present in the moment with her.  I didn’t want to be distracted, I wanted to be there.
But there was a practical, necessary reason also.
I love Ann.  A lot.  I love everything about her and spending time with her makes me really, really happy.  So, being with her on the trip was amazing -but there was a problem, all good things come to an end.
We only had ten days together on this trip, all too soon we’d be back to our long distance separation.  If I wasn’t entirely focused on the happy moment then I would get sad.  The thoughts would start with how absolutely happy I was with her, then they would think about hard it was going to be to leave and be away from her again.  I was there with her, looking into her eyes, utterly happy, yet I knew the days were passing quickly.  Then, I’d be looking into her eyes and I’d be sad.
As happy as I was being with her, it was only a temporary buzz between our regular lives.  Yes, I wanted to be totally present and enjoy the time with her, but I also didn’t want to ruin the mood by thinking about the trip’s impending end.  I didn’t want to be sad while I was with her so I had to focus on being with her, in the moment, and push all those thoughts aside.  Mindfulness.
The term became kind of a joke between the two of us.  One of us would ask what the other was thinking, they’d smile and just say “mindfulness”.

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