Sunday, November 2, 2014

It's not easy being green

My birthday was a wash of good, bad, and inadequate.

I try to remember that a birthday is just a day, one of three hundred and sixty five, but it's hard not to think the universe should line up and give us a bit of unexpected wonderful on the one day a year where I can celebrate being me.  If we expect that though, it'll almost always be a disappointment.

There were a few good things, I woke up to a call from my boss overseas.  She told me that my program was one of the best in the company and that all of us working on it were being recognized.  We are all getting a certificate and a bonus next month.  That's awesome, this is the first bonus I'll be receiving from this company.  So, that started off my day with a good vibe.

A couple other things happened that morning that put me in a pretty foul mood, let's just leave it at that for now.

I tried to put all of the negativity behind me and moved on with my day.  I met up with two new women, neither of which were particularly interesting.  One was a nicer date downtown, with all the craziness Halloween night.  She was borderline boring, nice, kind of sweet, but there was no spark or chemistry.  I was slightly surprised when she sent me a text this morning, I figured I wouldn't hear back from her.  She struck me as the type that's boring but probably a freak in the bedroom though, so I emailed her back.

I've been on several dates over the past few weeks, had a few fun naked evenings, but nothing that really seemed promising.  I'm trying not to be discouraged by that.  Dating is like fishing, if it were easy it would just be called "catching".  There's also the urge to just fuck anything with two legs and a pair of holes, but I'm trying to resist that.  I've had plenty of emotionless sexual escapades over the years and they always end up leaving me unfulfilled, that's why I stopped all of that to find something special before I met Ann.  Why backslide now?  I deserve someone who appreciates me and doesn't treat me like I'm disposable, though empty sex is a nice ego boost that I could use right now.  So maybe I'll just find a couple FWBs while I wait for something more significant.  My dating profiles are back up and I've actually had some good luck connecting with new women.  There are three that I'm currently emailing, besides the two on my birthday, two more dates in the next week.  If I keep putting myself out there I know I'll find something or someone special.

All in all, it wasn't a bad birthday, though there were low points, it was just another day.  One day at a time, one foot after the other.  One email and date after the other.  Like a shark, just keep moving.


  1. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a shark that said that but Dory...

    Oh wait, she said "just keep swimming"

    Same deal really :)

  2. Oh I can relate to this post way too much. Especially the issue with backsliding when you know you deserve better. Very well conveyed. I've enjoyed this blog a lot.