Saturday, March 28, 2015

Awkward Dating Moments Don't End in High School

One of the things that has been so nice about dating as I get older is that everything seems much more comfortable and straightforward.  You either get along or you don't, everyone has a better sense of self and what they're looking for, we're not bumbling teenagers anymore.

Apparently, I allowed myself to be lulled into a false sense of security because last weekend I had one of the most awkward moments I've EVER had on a date.

I've been dating this chick, we'll call her Stephanie, for the last month or so.  You might have noticed that there haven't been any posts about her yet.  There's a reason for that, it hasn't been anything worth writing about.  She's nice, successful, and sweet but kind of boring.  There's nothing wrong with her, it's just been a very...  unremarkable.  Which is saying something since I remark on everything.

Anyway, last weekend we went to a small bar to watch a local band play.  We had a few drinks, the band was pretty good, we were having some fun.  (Notice all the qualifiers in that sentence?  That should say something.)  We were standing toward the back of the room, I had an arm around her, watching the musicians.

Que awkward moment.

A very drunk older guy walked up to us.

"Aw, you're totally in love," he slurred, pointing at us and trying not to spill his beer.

My eyes went wide, my mouth dropped open.  She gave him one of those "drunk people say anything" chuckles but didn't seem displeased.

Maybe if I just ignore him he'll go away.

"No, really.  You're in love."

More chuckles from her.  I tried to give him the male, "dude, you're fucking this up for me" look.  He didn't seem to notice, he's fixated on us.

Maybe if I hold still he won't be able to see me.

"Well, you're in love... aren't you?"  (dun Dun DUNNN!!)

What the fuck, dude!?!?!

My brain went into fight or flight mode.  What the hell am I supposed to say to that?  But I have to say something, this drunk mother fucker isn't leaving us alone.  I can't say yes because I'm definitely not in love but I can't really say no in front of her.  She's still looking at him but I can practically feel her focused on my answer.  Figuratively, all eyes on me.

I kind of half nod, half shake my head, laugh awkwardly and mumble something ambiguous.

He seems to take that as an affirmative and stumbles away.

Crisis averted?  Not really, that one situation put an incredibly uncomfortable cloud over the rest of the evening.

So, lesson learned, awkward dating shit doesn't end in High School after all.


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