Friday, June 12, 2015

Quotes and generalizations

"Show me a loyal husband and I'll show you one who's never had a real opportunity to stray." - Bel Mooney

I saw the above quote on a blog today... and it's a little hard to explain how fucking angry it made me.  Not the post itself, that was fine, just the quote.  Similar statements are unfortunately common, we see them all the time, but this one very specifically pissed me off.  Really, the sexism (and cynicism) in that single line made me want to puke and then punch someone in the face.

When I got married I was totally in love, head over heels, dedicated to her.  I did everything "right", making sure she was taken care of, I treated her like a princess, I was responsible, respectful but fun, romantic, patient and caring... And to make sure I could take care of her I joined the Navy.  Good money, benefits, etc.  We moved far away from home, two newlyweds on an adventure.

I didn't quite realize the potential depravity of the Navy until I went on my first deployment.  I'm sure you've heard the rumors about prostitutes following the ships around, it's disgustingly accurate.  Massage parlors, brothels, hookers on the corners, cheap strippers... everywhere.  You step two feet off base and the hookers will come to you.  I could have very, very easily have paid for sex.  Often.  And cheap.  Hell, there was peer pressure to do it.  One time I was even offered a free trip to the brothel by a couple guys who needed a third liberty buddy to get off base.  But I was a young dude, less than two years into his marriage, and totally committed to Cat.  I had dozens of opportunities, nobody would have known, nobody would have said anything if they did, but I still didn't do it.  Dozens of opportunities.

Then I came home from that deployment to an empty airport terminal... because Cat was in another state, living with another man.

We eventually reconciled and she came back home.

Over the next six years she cheated on me at least two more times.  That I know of for a fact.  Hell, there were rumors going around that my daughter wasn't my daughter, one of my best friends wanted me to do a paternity test.  But to me, ever loyal, never even considered that.  It didn't matter if she was mine by blood (even though I'm sure she is), even if she wasn't I'd have cared for her because that's the kind of guy I was raised to be.

All of Cat's infidelity and I was still loyal.

While in the military I went on FOUR deployments, with easy women in every port, not to mention my female coworkers or other opportunities.  Yet, the ONLY time that I slept with another woman while I was still married was when we decided to open our marriage in year eight.  

So when I read quotes like that it pisses me the fuck off.  I'm a good guy, I was a good husband (I'm still friends with Cat, ask her), I'm a good father, and I'm not a cheater.  Is it really so hard to believe that not all men are pigs?

And you know what?  I'm not special.  I've known plenty of guys exactly like me, even given opportunities in port (or at home) they were loyal.  Half of their wives weren't, but that's a subject for another post.

So, please, don't tell me that only loyal husband is the one who can't get away with cheating.  Fuck that.


  1. Let say I love reading your blog. With that said, I do think its important to understand that some women subconsciously seek the same type of men out over and over again. Some are cheaters, some have commitment issues (which I guess could be one in the same). Sadly these women pick the same guy repeatedly and assume all men are this way. I think I used to. But I realized that it was partially me, and fortunately never became bitter enough to generalize. I'm just choosier now. Good for you for not being that type of guy who when given the opp to not be caught, still took the high road.

    1. Glad you enjoy reading. I'm not going to say I'm a perfect guy, I've made plenty of mistakes, but those kinds of generalizations really get to me. And what you've said is very true, many women (and men) fall for a certain type. I know I tend to fall for the women that cheat, so I can't really blame them for doing the same. It's a cycle I suppose we'd all like to change.