Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Domesticity

I had a dream last night that got me thinking and a little nostalgic this morning.  Not in some "the old days were so great" kind of way, but there are things I do miss.

In the dream I was staying at a very isolated, backwoods motel in the middle of the woods.  It was an old place that looked like it hadn't been updated in forever with an attached restaurant.  At first I was investigating some weirdness in the area but "fell" for one of the young women working at the place (it was family run, she was probably in her early 20's), one of those people who you're just instantly comfortable with, and the dream shifted to focus on her.  She was sexy but the dream wasn't sexual, if that makes sense.  We spent a lot of time in the restaurant and in the dining area, talking, touching.

I could go into more detail, the rest of the dream was pretty strange and might make a good story someday, but when I woke up it was the comfort level with the woman that I really remembered.

I'm not sure if this is common or not, but I've had a few really amazing love affairs in my dreams.  They don't happen often, maybe once every five years or so and this wasn't quite to that level but it was close.  It's like being inside a Nicholas Sparks movie... and then waking up afterwards.  It's weird.  Maybe I'll write more about that later too.

As I woke up I struggled to pin point what exactly gave me such a warm and fuzzy feeling during the dream.  The only word I could come up with was 'domesticity'.  It wasn't sexual, though she was attractive, it was all the little things.  Walking behind the woman I'd lightly touch her back, or hold her hand.  Making dinner together.  It was the look in her eyes as we talked.  It was the ease with which we spent time with each other, the comfort, the... domesticity.

Hopefully we've all dated someone at some point who we're just good around.  There's almost an instinctual body language, how fast we open up, how genuinely good it makes us feel.  The kind of person that you can cook dinner and not step on each other's toes.  Sprinkle in some smiles, secret glances and light touching and you've got something special in such an everyday scene.

That's what made me smile about the dream, remembering how that felt.

While being married to Cat wasn't great, or even good, most of the time, it gave me a glimpse into that life.  If nothing else, Cat and I were very comfortable with each other and when we were on an upswing life was really, really sweet.

To this day, when Cat and I hang out we still slip into old patterns.  We always moved well together.  It can make me a little nostalgic at times.  And to her husband's great credit, our comfort doesn't seem to bother him at all.  I haven't written much about him but he truly is a saint.  What can I say, Cat has always had good taste in men.

The experience with Cat, though cynical it made me, was very educational.  I was good at being a husband, good at being a father, good with domesticity and, more importantly, I liked those things.  I liked being a husband, I liked being a father, I like domesticity.  Those were roles that I was born to play.  That I'm not playing them now is honestly frustrating on multiple levels and probably leads directly to dreams like the one I had last night.

Maybe other people dream about grand love affairs, traveling the world with a sexy companion, hot and steamy nights...  I dream about holding hands and smiling at each other over a quiet dinner, or doing the dishes together.  I suppose deep down I'm a very simple man with simple pleasures and goals.  If only it were so simple to find those things outside of dream land.

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